G48: The Divine Interrupt…Post 6

I couldn’t keep up with the ambulance that was rushing David to the hospital. I kept hearing Holy Spirit’s last words and wondered what they meant. It gave me some comfort remembering that God is in charge, but that was my husband in that ambulance. My heart was being crushed and it was hard to breath. It was an agonizing night and I was grateful David’s son was with me at the emergency room. They showed us the scan of David’s large brain hemorrhage and let us know his odds of surviving weren’t good. In my mind I kept thinking, you don’t know my husband. Holy Spirit is with him. He’s going to be okay. I stayed until later that day, and then had to get home. I had to take care of the animals and get some rest so I could get back to David.

When I got home, I just needed to talk with David. I had to know he was okay. I called his name out loud; David! David! David! I could feel him, and I knew he wasn’t in his comatose body in the hospital. He was here.

Where are you? I asked him.

I’m everywhere, and I’m right here!

I felt an overwhelming sense of peace come over me, and I breathed it in. I found him.

What’s it like over there?

Oh, it’s Wonderful!

I was comforted, if only for a while. My husband was with me. I couldn’t see or touch him, but I could hear him and feel him. That was enough for now.

The next morning, I let Maggie and Christian out the back door. I noticed the sky was an amazing shade of blue that I had never seen before.  There were strikingly pink clouds everywhere. It was stunning! I thanked God, and David, for that beautiful scene.  The feeling of awe drew me out onto the patio. Then I saw a heart shape in one of the clouds.  As I looked to my left, I saw an ethereal pink and golden cloud streaking down from the sky. The cloud arced over the house from the west and down into the eastern horizon, like a rainbow. I knew David was showing me he was still with me and that he was okay.

I washed up and finished chores so I could get to the hospital as early as possible. It was COVID, and visiting hours were limited. I wanted to spend as much time with David as I could. I packed a sandwich, some water, and my journal. I wanted to share everything that happened during the coma with David once he woke up. His people had big plans for us. Maybe him surviving the coma was part of it. Many others had these experiences, visiting another realm while in coma, then coming back to share their stories. People need to know there is no death, only love and eternity. My hope ebbed and flowed like waves on the beach. 

For eight days I talked with him, read to him, journaled, cried, and went numb. One day a nurse said Miracles happen!, then the next day the doctor reassured me that David had a very low chance of pulling through.  I was clinging to David and Holy Spirit. I had to hear them. I needed their comfort.  One day, I couldn’t hear or feel David, at all. It was like he was gone, and it scared the hell out of me. Holy Spirit reassured me that he would walk out of the hospital within 12 days. That gave me something to sustain my hope.

The hospital was pressing me to make a decision. We either had to let them put a permanent feeding tube in, and send him to a facility, or they pull him off life support and see what happens. The first option wasn’t an option.  He wouldn’t have wanted that. And I was sure David would wake up. Either way, I had to trust that God had this.  After discussing it with his son, we agreed; there was only one option. 

The next evening, several of us met at the hospital at the appointed time for David to be released from life support. I was trying to be optimistic, but I was scared. Holy Spirit wasn’t always forthcoming with explanations. Was it possible that I misunderstood what they were saying? I processed it in my mind and still had no other option. He would either wake up, or be free. This was David’s path and I couldn’t do anything else but accept what was to be. God’s in charge; not me, not the doctors or nurses. We waited for them to disconnect the life support. After the nurses left the room, David’s sons and I went in while his body was struggling to breathe. After several minutes of us pleading with him to wake up, his body slipped away into stillness. He was gone.

I laid my head on David’s chest, kissed him and said goodbye. There were several people in the waiting area for us, mostly the boys’ family and friends. Our minister, Kevin was there. He asked me if I was okay, and I nodded. I couldn’t talk with anyone. I needed to stay numb so I could make it home. As I drove, I asked Holy Spirit, Why did this happen? What am I going to do now without David?  Please, show me something!  At that moment, I came up behind a semi-truck that said “ATI” on the back doors. It was an acronym for the name of the trucking company, but to me, ATI stood for All That Is!

When I got home, I went straight to David’s room, laid down on his bed and sobbed. I could feel my scarf tight around my neck, pulling against my jugular making my vision go dark. Good! I told God I was done. I don’t want to be here anymore, I just want to be with David. At that moment, Christian walked in and looked at me. Dogs have a sense about things, sometimes better than we do. Dammit! I have to take care of the animals. They need me. If there’s no other purpose for me, I have to be here for them. It was a seemingly small thing to hang on to, but it worked. So I got up and took them outside while I gazed up at the night sky.  I just want to come home, I said to God.  But I’ll stay here and take care of the animals, then I want to come home, okay?  No response. Just silence. Divine, omnipotent silence. It was futile to try and figure anything out right now. I just have to surrender, and keep breathing. I knew the story was not over.