HOW CAN I BE HAPPY?

HOW CAN I BE HAPPY?

There are people I’ve met that seem to be happy all the time. It’s like they were born under the right star, and they effortlessly thrive here on the planet. Everything goes their way; they don’t seem to have a care in the world; it’s easy for them. I wasn’t one of those people. I had to get knocked around a bit before I realized I could change my experience if I didn’t like it. It became an experiment for me. My negativity ran deep, and I was determined to overcome it. If I could just get rid of that, everything would be wonderful. The trouble was, I was fighting against myself. I can’t dislike parts of me while trying to find happiness. I also knew that anything out there could only provide fleeting happiness. True joy is an inside job, and I had to find love and acceptance of myself while I was changing myself. The biggest challenge was letting it be okay to be wrong. Having to be right keeps us stuck right where we are. I had to want to change more than I wanted to be right.

The process of change began in my early twenties and I’m still dealing with thoughts and feelings that don’t always serve my best interest. Everyone doubts their own worth at times. We also might feel bored, lonely, victimized, empty, etc.  Something happened to us and we may not understand it, or even know about it because we either blocked the memory or were so young we don’t remember.  Oftentimes, the sting of what a parent told us when we were young stays with us and is burned into our psyche for a lifetime keeping us from shining our light out in the world.

We see the world through our own eyes, but, as young children, we were shown the world through the eyes of others. Some of them may have unintentionally shown us by their words and behavior that life is hard, competitive, hostile, even cruel. During our first few years we don’t have the capacity to process what we are hearing and seeing, we’re just taking it all in as fact. On a basic level, we are receiving programming. When we get older, we default to the program, and we don’t know why we do the things we do. We just never feel like we belong, or that maybe something is wrong with us. We have to learn that we have a choice.

We live in a thinking/feeling Universe and our thoughts and feelings determine our experience. If we get a bad feeling, it will attract a negative thought, followed by another bad feeling then another negative thought. You see how this can quickly become an issue if we don’t nip it in the bud. Over time, this negative loop can become a habitual way of life, causing fear, anxiety, depression, addiction. Focusing our attention on those negative thoughts and feelings, and our resultant behavior, attracts experiences to us that validate our defeating beliefs. But we can change all of this if we’re willing. We can change the program!

Fortunately, the subconscious mind is malleable, and through certain practices we can retrain the brain to our benefit. Our brain can make new connections, disconnecting the old ones that were harmful. To think like a new person, to be happier, to create more beauty and abundance in our lives is a very likely, if not a definite, outcome. Through focused attention your life can change dramatically.  It can be challenging and clunky in the beginning, but it becomes much easier the more you practice it. Broken down in simple terms, you’re taking control of your thoughts and feelings, and teaching your brain and body to think and feel in a more coherent way. You can change who you are and become a better version of you, without having to chase the constant search for happiness outside of yourself. Happiness is a state of being. If you find that inner peace and gratitude inside, your environment will change outside.

One important component I need to add; forget everything you think you know. People get stuck in their traditional beliefs on religion, science, medicine, etc.  One thing that is constant is that everything changes and evolves. New evidence and advances come up all the time. Things are happening all over the world that seem like magic to a traditionalist if they even acknowledge it at all. You must be willing to see the world through new eyes, leaving room for questions and rejecting nothing until you understand its meaning. Be willing to agree that maybe the old way no longer serves, and keep your mind open to new possibilities.   

Here are Six tips on making changes and becoming much happier. It could happen very quickly but may take a little bit of time for you to feel the big change, depending on your level of commitment. Stick with it. Be persistent and you will begin to feel things shift in you and around you.

1. Meditate! This is incredibly important and will give you more power over your thoughts and feelings. At minimum, just sit in quiet for 15 minutes each morning before your day starts, with focused attention on a visual spot, a background noise, a location on your body, or your breathing. If a thought comes up, it’s okay, just refocus your attention back on your focus point. You can put on some calming meditation music or, if you have more time, use a guided meditation. There is a plethora of them on Youtube. When you’re ready to up your meditation game, I recommend checking into the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza, who’s written several books and developed a life-changing meditation program after healing himself from a broken back. Dr. Joe teaches the science behind meditation as he continues to research and compile evidence of its effects. His work, along with many others in the field, are having a huge positive impact on the world, particularly in western cultures where meditation has not been promoted as a part of one’s health and well-being. Science is proving it is important.

2. Be aware of your thoughts and feelings!  Be the observer, the witness, in your life, without getting caught up in the thought/feeling loop. When you have an unpleasant fearful or judgmental thought or feeling, notice it and ask yourself where is that coming from? You may be surprised at the answer. When you get the answer, ask yourself tell me more about that. Follow that up with another tell me more until you feel you understand what has been driving the thought or feeling at it’s root. You may find that your anxiety is based on something that your father or mother said to you in anger when you were a child for example. By going through this process, you’re loosening the grip that these old negative patterns of thought had; you’re taking your power back.

3. Reduce the negativity in your environment! Turn off the news, turn off the negative music and negative talk radio, give yourself a break from the things that are weighing you down. If they make you feel sad, anxious, or angry, turn it off.  Be aware of how this stuff is affecting you. Don’t jump on someone else’s anger movement just because everyone else is doing it. And unless you’re financially prepared, don’t quit your job if it’s a big source of negativity in your life but do take steps to find a more positive environment, either within your current company, or with another. If you are financially able, quit the job that you hate and open the space for something better to come to you. You might find that an incredible talent you’ve had can become a sustainable business. Yes, that’s a leap of faith perhaps, but how’s your quality of life right now? Do what’s best for you.  

4. Focus your attention on what you want!  Be for things, not against things. Mother Theresa said she wouldn’t march against the war, but she would march for peace. Whatever you put your attention on, whether it’s what you want or what you don’t want, is what you’ll attract to you. If you’re afraid of getting into a car accident on a trip, focus instead on having a safe and enjoyable trip. When your kids are noisy and frustrating, think wouldn’t it be nice for the kids to be quiet and well behaved. If your coworkers are gossiping or complaining, see the good in them, sending them thoughts of love and compassion. We are always creating so it makes sense to be aware of what you’re creating, taking an active, positive role for future you. Be happy now, to be happy then.

5. Focus on your Dreams! Take your focused attention a step further and spend time feeling the experience of your dreams; dream job, dream business, dream relationship, dream house, etc. What is it that you want that will make you happy. How does it feel to be in that new experience. It’s helpful to get yourself in a state of gratitude to feel as if that thing you desire has already come to you. Vision boards are a fun and helpful way to help you create your dream life. You can find kits online or create your own. Writing down what you want as if it’s already happened can also be helpful.  Keep it fun!

6. Ask the Universe for help!  We all have guides and beings in the spiritual dimensions that are helping us. They want us to engage with them. Just for fun, put a question out there, either in your head or out loud, and see what comes back to you. It’s a sometimes-subtle voice, but the more you engage, the more you’ll hear it, and know it’s them, not you. That higher intelligence is incredibly funny and a delight to talk with. We can get so much further in our fun and happiness while we are on the planet if we acknowledge ourselves as higher beings and ask for help and guidance. They are pure divine love. So are we for that matter, we have just forgotten. If you’re open to it, they can help you to know who you really are. You are part of the Universe and we are all one.

Your happiness isn’t just about you; it’s about everyone. When you’re happy, you elevate the energy around you, uplifting others in your life. You are so very important to the whole. You being happy matters. When you are happy, you are expressing love just by being, and it’s powerful! 

Be okay with yourself and don’t take you or anyone else too seriously. Life is like a wonderful road trip with people coming in and out, new experiences, learning new things, exploring new environments. As extensions of the Divine, we’re here to observe and report. Go see what you can find. You have a whole world waiting out there for you to show up. Go have some fun!