Step Eight – Make a List and Become Willing

Step Eight – Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all

Had this been an earlier step in our process, we might not have been able to accomplish it, or even grasp it well enough to begin. We receive healing on many levels by making a list of people we had harmed and by this point in the process, we have more clarity. If we have our inventory list from Step Four, we have a good reference point for our list of persons harmed. As we write down our list of names, we do so with a new level of compassion and forgiveness for ourselves, and for them. We see more clearly the part we played in our relationships with others.  

We can consider our past wrongdoings as unfortunate events that we participated in, and, with God’s help, we can perceive these people not so much as victims of our behavior, but for some as participants themselves. This does not remove us from responsibility for our actions, but it might alleviate feelings of shame and guilt so that we can move forward if that indeed might hold us back. Becoming willing means that we do take responsibility and that we do want to make things right. We reflect on healing our relationships with our fellow human beings, not to make them think better of us, but so that we can feel better about ourselves.

Each infraction against another is embedded in our memory and it chips away at our wellbeing. Even the little things like when we snap at our spouse or kids or are intentionally rude to someone in the grocery store or condescending to a coworker. All these seemingly minor infractions pile on us to make us either inconsiderate or incredibly unkind people. We may not know the names of all the persons we had harmed, but by acknowledging them and considering our actions, we come to realize they did not deserve our misconduct, nor did we. Love covers a multitude of sins, and our act of acknowledging them gives us the grace to feel love unconditionally. While making our list, we may feel a deeper connection with each person. And then if we simply become willing to make amends, God can work with that.

Step Nine – Making Amends